Let’s talk about fear—but not the jump-scare, horror movie kind. I mean the sneaky, whisper-in-your-ear fear that most of us carry around without even realizing it.
The Shadows of Childhood
Growing up, fear wasn’t just a feeling—it was a constant companion. For me, it was the unpredictable tension when my dad would come home after drinking. Or that gut-wrenching moment in school when team captains were picking players, and I dont want to be the last one chosen. Some of my friends had even darker fears—like an uncle whose “special attention” made their skin crawl.
These weren’t just childhood nightmares. They were our first crash course in vulnerability, teaching us how to survive, how to protect ourselves, how to be brave when the world felt overwhelming.
Teenage Anxiety: When Fear Goes Into Overdrive
Teenage years? Pure emotional chaos. Suddenly, fear wasn’t about monsters under the bed—it was the monsters inside our heads. Will I fit in? Am I good enough? What if I completely embarrass myself?
I’ll never forget my first big presentation. My hands shook so badly I could barely hold my notes. And don’t get me started on the time I wore torn pants to school unknowingly, and my crush decided to announce my ripped pants to everyone. The humiliation was so intense that I started avoiding social gatherings altogether.
Adult Fears: The Invisible Puppet Master
Then comes adulthood, where fears get sophisticated. They’re not screaming—they’re whispering. Fear of job loss, of disappointing everyone, of becoming just like our parents, of making the wrong life choices.
Lets be real for a bit:
- Stayed in a job you’re good at but never pursued a bigger challenge?
- Settled for a crap relationship just to avoid being alone?
- Skipped asking for a raise because confrontation terrifies you?
- Kept silent about your true feelings to avoid potential conflict?
- Never asking your partner for something different in the bedroom?
You are silently making these choices on a daily basis. Fear is at the steering wheel.
The Body’s Fear Response
Here’s something wild: fear isn’t just emotional—it’s deeply physical. Your body turns into a chemical factory, flooding with cortisol and adrenaline. Heart racing, breath shallow, muscles tense. It’s an incredible survival mechanism that once protected us from predators, now triggered by work emails and awkward social interactions.
Fear: Protector and Prison
The ultimate paradox? Fear protects us and limits us. It keeps us safe from dark alleys but also prevents us from chasing our dreams. Those dreams really matter. It’s like having a well-intentioned but overprotective friend who means well but also holds you back when there is no need.
Learning to Dance with Fear
The bravest people aren’t those without fear. They’re the ones who feel the fear and move forward anyway. They understand that fear is information, not a command.
As we grow older, our relationship with fear changes. What scared us in our twenties seems ridiculous in our thirties. We build resilience, collect experiences, and realize most of our worst fears never actually happen.
A Gentle Challenge
So here’s my invitation: sit with your fears. Don’t fight them. Don’t try to eliminate them. Just listen. They’re often pointing towards something important—a boundary, a growth opportunity, a part of yourself waiting to be understood.
Remember, fear isn’t the opposite of courage. It’s the precursor to it.