You’re scrolling through TikTok/Instagram/Linkedin, watching people celebrate promotions and new achievements, and that familiar voice creeps in. “They’ve got it all figured out. I am just here for the show.” Sound familiar?
I used to think I was the only one walking around feeling like I’d somehow fooled everyone into thinking I knew what I was doing. Then I had a few conversations that flipped my entire perspective.
When Success Feels Like a Lie
I was dating this incredible woman – let’s call her Lovie. She had worked her way up from entry-level to leading a team at a multinational company. The kind of person who could walk into a boardroom and immediately shift the energy in the room. Smart, successful, the whole package.
So imagine my shock when, during a casual conversation, she said: “Sometimes I’m terrified they’re going to find out I’m a fraud, then they will bring in someone more capable”
Wait, what?
Here’s someone who had earned every step of her career. I’d watched her pull 12-hour days, study for degrees on weekends, and navigate office politics like an Accenture Consultant. She wasn’t handed anything. Yet somehow, she felt like she was fooling everyone.
That’s when it clicked, if someone like Lovie felt this way, maybe we’re all just making it up as we go along.
The Great Performance of Life
The more I looked into this, the more examples I found. Take Trevor Noah. Here’s a guy who hosted The Daily Show, performed to sold-out crowds worldwide, and seemed naturally charismatic. But he’s openly talked about being shy and having to “get into it” – basically putting on a performance every time he steps on stage.
If Trevor Noah has to psych himself up to be Trevor Noah, what does that say about the rest of us?
Through my work, I’ve met some pretty well-known musicians. You know what’s interesting? The bigger the stage persona, the quieter they often are backstage. These are artists who can work a crowd of 50,000 people into a frenzy, making it look effortless. But catch them an hour before the show? They’re nervous, questioning their setlist, wondering if tonight’s the night it all falls apart.
I watched an Oprah show where she said the most common question she received after most interviews was “How was I?”. She has interviewed a lot of successful individuals.
The Confidence Con
Here’s my theory: What if confidence isn’t something you either have or don’t? What if it’s actually a skill we all learn to fake until it becomes real?
Think about it. When you were a kid wanting to seem older, didn’t you just copy what older kids did? When you started your first job, didn’t you basically mimic your coworkers until you figured out your own style? Maybe adulthood is just an extended version of that same process.
The weird part is, we’re all convinced that everyone else has figured it out. Meanwhile, that “put-together” colleague is probably going home wondering if anyone noticed they had no idea what they were talking about in that meeting. The confident friend who always seems to know exactly what to do? They’re likely googling basic life skills just as much as you are.
Why We Keep Up the Act
But why do we all keep pretending? Why don’t we just admit that we’re winging it?
Maybe because admitting we don’t know what we’re doing feels like failing some invisible test. Society tells us that by a certain age, we should have it figured out. Career path: sorted. Life plan: locked in. Emotional stability: achieved. Great Sex Life:Check. The problem is, nobody actually hands out a manual for any of this.
Or maybe we keep quiet because we’re afraid that if we admit we’re making it up, people will stop taking us seriously. It’s like a massive game of chicken where nobody wants to be the first to blink.
The irony is that this silence makes everyone feel more isolated. We’re all struggling with the same feelings, but because nobody talks about it, we each think we’re the only fraud in the room.
The Freedom in Faking It
Here’s what I’ve learned: Maybe the con isn’t that we’re all faking it. Maybe the con is thinking that anyone has it completely figured out.
What if we reframed “faking it” as “learning it”? When Lovie walks into that boardroom projecting confidence, she’s not being fake – she’s using the tools she’s developed to do her job effectively. When Trevor Noah gets on stage despite his shyness, he’s not being dishonest – he’s pushing past discomfort to connect with his audience.
Maybe what we call “imposter syndrome” is just the natural feeling that comes with growth. If you never feel like you’re in over your head, you’re probably not challenging yourself enough.
We’re All Just Humans Trying
The truth is, we’re all just humans trying to figure it out as we go. That CEO you admire? They’re probably wondering if they made the right call in today’s meeting. That friend who seems to have the perfect life? They’re dealing with their own challenges behind the scenes.
The beautiful thing about realizing everyone is winging it is that it levels the playing field. Suddenly, that promotion doesn’t seem so impossible. That creative project doesn’t feel so intimidating. That conversation you’ve been putting off becomes just another thing to navigate.
Embrace the Beautiful Mess
So maybe the real question isn’t whether we’re all faking it. Maybe it’s whether we can find the courage to be okay with not having all the answers. To admit that we’re learning, growing, and yes, sometimes stumbling through this thing called life.
Because here’s what nobody tells you: The most confident people aren’t the ones who never doubt themselves. They’re the ones who doubt themselves and do it anyway.
So the next time that voice whispers that you’re just faking it, remember – you’re in excellent company. We’re all just making it up as we go along, and somehow, that makes the whole adventure a little less scary and a lot more human.
After all, if we’re all frauds, then nobody is.
Join the Conversation
Let’s get real for a second. Drop a comment below and tell me:What’s the biggest lie your imposter syndrome tells you?Mine is “Someone more qualified should be doing your job, raising your kids.”
What’s yours? Let’s call out these lies together. Your comment might be exactly what someone else needs to hear today – proof they’re not the only one fighting that voice.