Introduction
Have you ever felt like you’re playing an endless game of Jenga, carefully stacking piece after piece, praying it doesn’t all come crashing down? Maybe it’s your work, your relationships, your image—everything has to look just right. You tell yourself, “Just one more block. Just hold it together a little longer.” And sure, from the outside, it looks fine. Polished, even. But inside? You’re sweating bullets, hoping no one notices the cracks.
Lets Grow Up
Growing up is hard enough, but watching life’s lessons unfold in real time? That’s a whole different beast. I remember when my partner bought her dream car—a shiny convertible that turned heads wherever it went. It wasn’t just a car; it was a statement. The spreadsheet said it was doable: 60 monthly payments, perfectly manageable. And let’s be honest, driving that car felt like proof that she was doing something right.
But then reality started knocking. A few months in, the numbers weren’t adding up like the spreadsheet promised. Insurance payments got skipped, and maintenance? Let’s just say we got creative backdoor mechanics and crossed fingers. It was becoming clear that this wasn’t sustainable, but come on—it was a drop-top! How could we let it go?
The cracks grew deeper. Monthly payments became impossible, and soon the repo man was at our door. I can still feel the knot in my stomach as we begged, pleaded, and scraped together yet another loan to buy more time. It was exhausting, but we held on because admitting defeat wasn’t an option.
Then came the accident. No one was hurt—thankfully—but the car was done for. And just like that, the chaos ended. The endless juggling, the sleepless nights, the financial gymnastics—all of it stopped. Finally, we could start sewing up the holes in our pockets and breathe again.
It reminded me of Denzel Washington in Flight. He spends the whole movie balancing on this tightrope of lies, doing just enough to get by, never truly facing the truth. But in the end, he finally lets it all out, and while it’s messy, it’s also freeing. Sometimes, you have to let the wheels come off to see where you really stand.
The Hard Realities
Growing up, I was one of those kids who seemed to pick things up fast. I’d play football, and people would say, “You’re a natural!” I’d run a race, and it was, “Wow, you’re so fast!” At school, it was, “Top of the class again?” It felt good—like I was always doing something right, always earning people’s admiration.
But somewhere along the way, that feeling turned into a need. If I wasn’t going to shine, I figured, why even bother? I started walking away from things—not because I didn’t want to try, but because I didn’t want to fail. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, least of all myself.
The problem is, life doesn’t hand you trophies just for staying in your comfort zone. And trying to keep everyone impressed? That’s a full-time job with no paycheck. I ended up saying no to so many things—new hobbies, big challenges, even simple fun—just because I couldn’t bear the thought of not being “the best.”
Looking back, I can see how much I missed out on, all because I was too worried about what other people thought. It’s a steep price to pay for something that doesn’t really matter. As Brene Brown puts it: “When we stop caring about what people think, we lose our capacity for connection. When we are defined by what people think, we lose our willingness to be vulnerable.”
The Need
The need to always get it right—or worse, to look like you have it all together—doesn’t just take a toll on you; it ripples into your relationships. When you’re constantly striving for perfection or walking away from things that might expose your flaws, you’re unintentionally building walls between yourself and the people who care about you. Instead of letting them see your struggles, you give them the highlight reel: the wins, the achievements, the curated version of yourself. Over time, this can make relationships feel shallow or one-sided, like you’re more interested in impressing them than truly connecting.
Social psychologist Brené Brown calls this the “armor of perfectionism.” She explains that while perfectionism might feel like a way to earn acceptance, it often creates disconnection. “When we focus on pleasing others and avoiding vulnerability, we shut people out of our authentic selves,” she says. Relationships thrive on shared struggles and imperfections—on the messy, real stuff. But when we refuse to share that, we deprive others of the chance to truly know us, and we miss out on the deeper bonds that come from being seen and loved for who we really are.
The Truth
The truth—however uncomfortable it might be—is the only thing that can set us free. No, I’m not saying you should become a monk or retreat from the world, but it’s about facing reality head-on. The truth isn’t about accepting defeat or feeling worthless. It’s not about saying, “I’m useless” or “I can’t go on.” It’s more like recognizing that you can’t afford that car anymore, that those fancy drinks are stretching your finances thin, that your dreams are costing you more than you realize—relationships, time, peace of mind. The truth is seeing how your actions are impacting your life and the people around you.
Now, I’m not pretending to have all the answers. But here’s something I know: finding balance starts with being brutally honest with yourself. And when that truth feels overwhelming, having a professional—like a therapist, coach, or psychologist—to help you reflect and make sense of it all can be one of the best gifts you can give yourself.