There’s a quote that floats around in the self-help universe; kind of like that one plastic bag you see dancing in the wind, refusing to land anywhere. Jim Rohn said it, or at least the internet swears he did: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
It’s catchy, simple, and sounds like something you’d scribble on a Post-it if you were trying to look deep on a Monday morning. But if I take that sentence literally like, properly apply it to my actual life, then I might genuinely be in trouble.
Because here are my five people:
A five-year-old, a ten-year-old, an eighteen-year-old, a wife building a business from scratch, and colleagues who float in and out of my day like passing clouds.
If I’m the average of that group… please, send help.
Let me explain.
The Five-Year-Old: The CEO of Demands
If you’ve ever lived with a five-year-old, you know they run the house the way a tiny CEO runs a start-up with unreasonable deadlines, emotional outbursts, and absolutely no interest in your sleep schedule.
This kid wakes up with a list of demands longer than a grocery list. Juice. Cereal. A different cereal. The blue cup, not the green one. Where is my shoe? Not that one. The other one.
If I am becoming the average of this human, then I’m picking up the following traits:
- Zero patience
- Unlimited imagination
- And the ability to completely forget what I was doing mid-sentence just because a bird flew by the window
Not the worst mix… but also not the energy I expected to mirror in my thirties or forties.
Still, there’s something beautiful about five-year-olds, they feel everything in full colour. Joy is neon. Sadness is thunder. Curiosity is an itch. Lots of crying. Maybe part of me needs that again.
The Ten-Year-Old: The Boundary Tester
My ten-year-old approaches life like it’s a video game and he’s permanently in “explore the map” mode. He pushes every boundary, house rules, bedtime, gravity, logic, and my blood pressure.
Where a five-year-old demands, a ten-year-old negotiates. And he negotiates like he’s preparing for a career at the United Nations.
“Dad, you said screen time ends at seven. It’s 6:58. If I start a game NOW, technically I started before seven, so I should get to finish it. Right?, and you said I must finish what I start”
If I’m becoming like him, then I’m absorbing this:
- Take chances
- Ask why things are the way they are
- Question rules
- And push boundaries (just not the electricity bill, which my adult brain still cares about)
Not terrible, actually. Maybe I am becoming more curious and less rigid thanks to him. Maybe that’s good.
The Eighteen-Year-Old: “I’m Still Figuring It Out” Energy
Ah, eighteen. That age where life feels like a giant buffet: lots of options, very little clarity, and absolutely no idea where to start.
My eighteen-year-old is in that “trying nothing while trying to figure out everything” phase. You ask how school is going, and he says, “It’s fine.” You ask about the future, and he gives you that stare the one that says, ‘Please don’t remind me I’m supposed to have a plan.’
If I am mirroring him in any form, here’s what I’m picking up:
- The art of procrastinating with confidence
- The ability to appear calm even when confused
- The skill of pretending to think deeply while actually just scrolling
And honestly? Relatable.
We’ve all been there maybe some of us still are. That space where life is asking questions you haven’t prepared answers for yet.
But here’s the thing: eighteen-year-olds still have hope baked into them. They just don’t always know where to point it yet.
That part? I’ll take it.
My Wife: The Dream Builder
My fourth person is my wife currently building a business from the ground up. And as anyone who has built anything knows, it’s a mix of:
- Exhaustion
- Excitement
- Panic
- Inspiration
- We are fucked its over feeling.
- And a sprinkling of “What have I done?” every other Wednesday
There’s a saying: It takes ten years to become an overnight success.
We are somewhere in year… whatever. Somewhere between the beginning and the breakthrough.
If I’m absorbing her energy, then I’m learning grit. Perseverance. Focus. The long game. The kind of resilience you only earn when your dreams keep you up at night but also drag you out of bed in the morning.
If she is one of my five, then maybe I’m not in trouble after all.
The Others: Colleagues and Family from Afar
The rest of the people I spend time with are colleagues on calls, people passing through my workday, and family I love but don’t physically see often enough for them to heavily influence me.
Or at least… that’s what I like to think.
But influence is sneaky. It’s whispered, not shouted.
That reminds me of a story, one I read in a book I unfortunately cannot remember the name of. (If the author is reading this, sir/madam, please forgive me. or let me know in the comments)
A man used to carpool to work with colleagues. They played rock music every morning. He hated rock. Monday he was irritated. Wednesday he tolerated it. By the weekend he found himself humming the songs in the shower. And by the next Monday, he was tapping his foot to the beat.
That is influence.
Slow. Silent. Accidental.
No motivational speech needed—just repetition.
So maybe even the people we consider “background characters” are shaping us. Maybe the colleague with the calm voice on Zoom. Or the funny guy who makes Monday meetings bearable. Or the cousin who always reminds you to breathe. Influence doesn’t need proximity it needs consistency.
So… What About the Layman Who’s Just Trying to Build a Life?
That’s my biggest question.
These sayings often assume we can spend our days rubbing shoulders with world-class CEOs, billionaires, spiritual gurus, and retired Navy SEALs who now sell motivational courses.
But what about the rest of us?
The everyday builders?
The parents who wake up earlier than the sun?
The people rushing through traffic, school lunches, work emails, and a life they’re trying to shape into something meaningful?
Are we supposed to feel guilty because our “five people” aren’t the Avengers of personal development?
Or is the point simply this:
You absorb whatever surrounds you. So choose with awareness, not pressure.
My five people teach me patience, curiosity, determination, and resilience. They also sometimes teach me chaos, procrastination, and how to say the same sentence ten times before anyone listens.
But that’s life. That’s real influence.
Messy. Honest. Unfiltered. Human.
Who Are Your Five People?
And here’s the fun part—give them titles.
Mine look like this:
- The CEO of Demands (age 5)
- The Boundary Tester (age 10)
- The Confused Philosopher (age 18)
- The Dream Builder (wife)
- The Background Influencers (colleagues + family)
Now it’s your turn.
Who are the five people shaping you—intentionally or accidentally?
And what titles would you give them?
Please share in the comments below
You might even discover that you’re perfectly influenced… or hilariously doomed.
Either way, it’ll make a great conversation.